I also hate that I still miss him. I hate that I can have a fabulous vacation and hang out with a good friend who I have known since I was in 6th grade and meet a whole new group of friends and get home and still miss him. He has always had that effect on me and I don’t know how to shake it. I tried and all I’ve gotten is good at faking it. But one little mention of what’s new with him during the course of the day and I’m ready to crumble.
Someone asked me if I was ready to date today. I looked that person in the eye, doing all I could not to tear up, and told him that no one was ready for this mess.
I have so many new and exciting things going on in my life. Stuff that I had always shared with him, even before we became a couple. And I wanna tell him. And I can’t. Because he is someone else’s now. I don’t miss the boyfriend, although there are still the nights where I feel better sleeping with a pillow at my back so when I wake up and am still groggy, for a split second, it feels like he is there. I miss my best friend. The person who knew something was wrong by a feeling, despite being two time zones away.
I’m ready for this to be over.
