Bored & (sometimes) Witty

I learned a new trick tonight. It’s called How to Change a Tire. Yes, I got my first flat tonight. On the way home from a stupid gas station. Where gas is $3.05 AMERICAN dollars. Yikes. I misjudged a curb and apparently thought that my little honda accord had 4-wheel drive or magic wings and did some serious damage to my front-right tire. Completely blew it out. I, thinking everything must be fine after all, it was just a curb, drove home on it. Luckily it was just around the corner but since I had no idea what it sounded/felt like to drive home on a flat, I thought for sure I must of bashed in my entire front-right panel based on the sound, when in actuality it was just a really bad flat.

I got home and immediately called my dad. It’s actually very funny now, because I was just telling my uncle, who is restoring a Cougar with my cousin and other uncle, how I really need to learn how to fix a flat and change the oil in my car. At least fix a flat. I mean, afterall, I did install my own surround sound entertainment system at home. A flat should be no problem. Looks like I jinxed that right up.

My dad didn’t pick up his cell. The house phone rang until I got the machine. Finally I called Joe. He hadn’t ever changed a tire either but at least he was a good enough brother to offer to come over. I told him I would call my uncle who I had had the aforementioned tire-changing conversation with and ask him to come teach me.

So Uncle Kevin came over and showed me how it’s done. I would like to say in my own defense that I did know where the jack and my spare were stored. So I had that goin’ for me, which is nice.

I also learned that at 40K miles, I should probably think about getting a new set of tires. So Uncle Kevin is putting in a phone call to a guy he knows who owns a tire place and I’m heading over there in the morning. As a bonus round, I am also getting my alignment straightened out just in case. Aces.

Many who know me know that I have lots of guys friends and I’m close with many of them as if having two biological brothers who tease and aggravate me isn’t enough. 

Normally, though, when I hang out with the guys, we watch the game or a movie or grab a beer. Today, however, one of my buddies wanted to go shopping for some new kicks. I suggested the outlets in Vacaville because they have a Nike outlet and very selfishly, there is a mall nearby and I could pick up a couple things for myself. I don’t think he was planning on me having a list of my own but we all know that when it comes to shopping, I have been known to operate on the get-what-I-need-and-get-out program. Lucky for him.

So he picked me up this afternoon and I may have heard him rap on the way there. It was pretty much the most awesome thing ever. Once we got his shoes and a pair of airplane pants that are “the most comfortable pants ever,” he won me over with some cakebatter icecream then we went to the mall for my shopping list, which included some items from Victoria’s Secret. Normally I wouldn’t put a male friend through the torture that can be VS but I desperately needed aforementioned items. And he was a good enough sport to come along.

As he laid on a marble bench yep, not sat but laid, and I went in and out of the dressing room, I finally emerged with my items. We walked up to the counter and waited our turn to pay. As I was waiting for my charge to be processed, a petite man in his early 20s, walked up to the counter and promptly set down a turquoise bra with sequins in the corner of the cup, in addition to a red lacy bra. It should be noted at this point right now that I just went to VictoriasSecret.com to try and find a picture of said bras but was promptly reminded that if I put a picture of the turquoise beauty on my blog, my parental rating will inevitably shoot up to R due to porn-esque pictures.

As the gentleman shopper put his purchases on the counter, my own male friend looks over at him and says with a straight face: “DUDE. You are gonna look hot in those!”

I promptly bit my lip to contain my laughter and the man in line behind us may have peed his pants a little.

Moral of the story: if you are gonna take a man into Victoria’s Secret, make sure he is one with a damn good sense of humor.

The end.

I finally broke down and went to the grocery store today. But I was dumb and went at 6 in the evening when the entire town of Napa wants to do their shopping.

When I was little, I hated going to the grocery store with my mom. She would take forever cruising every aisle and looking at what seemed like every single product for sale. I would avoid going like the plague unless it was late at night and I felt bad she had to go by herself. That was the Catholic in me. But when she got home? I was all over it. I liked to see what good things she had bought. It was like treasure in the form of food.

I would help her put it away so I would know where all the good stuff was and if there was a box of sugary cereal that she had broken down and bought. This was a rare occurrance. But when I got to put the groceries away, I knew what sort of dinners were in my future and what kinds of cookies were on sale that particular trip. I would know to act fast on the good stuff. This stemmed from the fact that I have two brothers who, even at the ages of 6 and 10, ate like men and could put away one box of Fruity Pebbles between themselves before I had even awaken.

So now that I’m on my own, I go to the grocery store only I operate on the get-what-I-need-and-get-out theory. Today, as I was unpacking my bags and filling my cabinets, I remembered: Ted is in college 6 hours away. And Joe doesn’t stop by too often.

All the Fruity Pebbles are mine.

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
hell (2x) crap (1x)